"I.... I....I believe I have been called to preach".
That was me in March 2012 stammering to communicate to my Pastor that God had placed inside of me this gnawing urging to share His Gospel. At that time, I was 23 years old, a few months’ shy of earning my Bachelors degree and was engaged to be married. On the surface, my life appeared great but deep down I knew God wanted more and I knew I wasn’t giving it to Him. I was at a place where I had stopped running from church activities but I was stagnant in my efforts to obtain a true relationship with my Heavenly Father. As much as I tried to stay still and fly below the radar, the consumption of drugs, alcohol and sexual promiscuity would not quiet the voice nor did it cease God from pursuing me in my dreams asking me to come to Him. I remember a dream where I heard Him clearly say, "do my work or I'll kill you" and it was then I knew that I needed to surrender. I was determined to admit amidst fear and trembling, I believe I was called to preach".
In retrospect, I don't believe at that point of my life I would have attributed my "yes" to God's command as a faith decision. I was more scared that God would certainly kill me and that I would surely die. In my best Kevin Hart voice, "nooooo, she wasn't ready!" However, today, I’m certain that it absolutely was an exhibition of faith. I thought my "yes" was going to be the end. No more God chasing me dreams. I gave up everything I thought had to go. All is well. Right? Absolutely not! That "yes" was the proverbial tip of the iceberg. It was only the beginning. The scriptural evidence almost knocked me out of my seat…
Hebrews 11:1 says, now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.
So my acceptance wasn't a one time "yes"? It wasn’t a “yes” I could manage? It wasn’t a "yes"I could contort to my liking??? Nope, I discovered it is an intentional everyday "yes" to do whatever the will of God is for my life. Even though I can’t see his plan, I have confidence and assurance that my Father will not let me down or leave me out. Yet, even in my confidence of knowing He will not let me out, I still wonder will I ever be married... will I ever have children... will my ministry expand... will I effectually help someone? These questions taunt me periodically because I know I abandoned the heavy drug use, sexual promiscuity, partying and my engagement to heed His call. I know I am young and female two factors that are questionable to many regarding in the field of preaching. But, I am rooted in the assurance that my Father has a plan.
Simply put, faith is obedience to my Father despite external conditions. Rich, poor, up, down, with/without a boo, sick, well, happy, sad, with/without friends. He has pulled me from some things of which I'm certain, He can do for others.
EVERYDAY!!! I ask God for direction, everyday I pray, everyday I obey. Admittedly, some days I just want to run because I feel overwhelmed by this calling. Then, there are days where I just want to know all the answers. I feel like Ricky from "I Love Lucy" saying "God, you have some e'splaining to do". Those are the times I remember God’s great love for me. When I was totally unlovable, His blood covered the mistakes I made. He freed me from people and situations that I thought would keep me bound. He pursued me until I surrendered. He changed and authored my life. Despite my past, He rewrote my future. He allowed me to be a vessel to share his Gospel. He saved my life. I'm convinced He can save more than just my life. I'm also convinced God's walking with me in my determination to surrender to His will.
My name is Jenisha and my Faith Heels is about obedience.