The pull of my breath stopped on the one you wanted to take
from the life you didn’t conceive
of thoughts you couldn't fathom
of a God saying “you’re purposed"
when on purpose people hurt you,
deny you, malign you,
bully you into definitions and expectations
of a world they can't fit in themselves for being too small and too big
Ohhhh, the pull of my breath stopped from the sound of my cries trapped in my body image
of your reaction; running away from the grips of
Mama's Baby while Papa maybe the one to show up
though he can't find where I reside
amongst the screams of doubt in the pits of hell
where God said "even in there" He'd meet me.
I'm still waiting
on all life matters because I'm told "sewage" lies by the roadside
while Bland piles of evidenced against Judas still did not keep him from hanging on the rope tied to a tree of life promised in a garden long ago still
standing in the downpour of accusations embarrassed from the public reactions
a curious girl banished to a life of bleeding and cramps
held responsible for a sin He was supposed to protect her from
So, she carries the load of robbing the world of a salvation not scheduled to come until AD 33
In her the incapacity to handle the array of emotions
imposed on an underdeveloped mind housed in an overdeveloped body adjusting
to the imbalance of chemicals embedded in the organic nutrients
home grown from medically induced farms selling "healthy"
to a mom who's yet to be herself a wise consumer
from the land fills with waste of borrowed time
she knows she can’t afford the price of an uneducated girl gone wild
screaming Sue’s side
snatched the breath of fear she tries to hide
Social media has a way of desensitizing the harsh realities of life. Recently, Kehlani, a musical artist posted a picture of herself with an intravenous line laying in a hospital bed grateful that her overwhelming moment of fear which ironically gave her the courage she thought she lacked when attempting to take her life failed. As the comments and speculation flooded, my heart clenched for the successful attempts by girls and boys who left mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, friends and other casualties left behind to pick up the pieces. "Sue’s side" is a play on the Word Suicide because I do often wonder if we saw it from a humanistic view would our perspective change? “Fame” does not exempt humans from living. Kehlani is an example of there being many voices of suicide. Sue’s side is a reflection of the many triggers of suicide.
If you know anyone who needs help, please share this number 800-273-8255. It's a suicide hotline. Walking in Faith is knowing the power of hanging on is in our day to day lives just as much as our spiritual lives.